60 Christmas Jokes So Bad They’re Basically a Gift

Christmas jokes are a lot like fruitcake. Everyone pretends to hate them, everyone secretly has a favorite, and somehow they show up every single year. Here are 60 Christmas jokes for kids, adults and anyone who needs to fill the silence while the ham rests.

Santa Jokes

1. What do you call Santa’s helpers? Subordinate clauses.
2. Why does Santa go down the chimney? Because it soots him.
3. What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney? Claus-trophobia.
4. What’s Santa’s favorite type of music? Wrap.
5. How does Santa keep his suit wrinkle-free? He uses Claus pins.
6. What do you call Santa when he stops moving? Santa Pause.
7. Why is Santa so good at karate? He has a black belt.
8. What’s Santa’s favorite snack? Crisp Pringles. Get it? Kris Kringle. We’ll see ourselves out.
9. Why did Santa hire a gardener? He wanted to ho, ho, hoe.
10. What does Santa do in his garden? Hoe, hoe, hoe. Yes, again.

Reindeer Jokes

11. How do you know Rudolph is sick? He has a red nose.
12. What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees? Horn-aments.
13. Why did the reindeer wear sunglasses at the beach? He didn’t want to be recognized.
14. What do you call a reindeer with no eyes? No idea.
15. What do you call a reindeer with no eyes and no legs? Still no idea.
16. Why did Rudolph get a bad grade? He went down in history.
17. What’s a reindeer’s favorite game? Stable tennis.
18. Why do reindeer like Beyonce? Because of Santa’s slay.

Elf and Snowman Jokes

19. What do elves learn in school? The elf-abet.
20. Why are elves bad at sharing their feelings? They’re shelf-conscious.
21. What did the elf say when he got a raise? Finally, some elf-esteem.
22. What do you call an elf who sings? A wrapper.
23. What do snowmen eat for breakfast? Frosted Flakes.
24. Why did the snowman call his dog Frost? Because Frost bites.
25. What do you call a snowman in July? A puddle.
26. How do snowmen get around? They ride an icicle.
27. What does a snowman take when he’s sick? A chill pill.
28. Where do snowmen keep their money? In a snow bank.

Christmas Jokes for Adults

29. Christmas is the season to max out your credit card and call it love.
30. My family’s Christmas tradition is fighting about the lights for three hours, then calling them beautiful.
31. I’m dreaming of a white Christmas. Mostly white wine.
32. The best part of Christmas is the 20-minute window between unwrapping presents and someone asking who’s doing the dishes.
33. I don’t have a Christmas list. I have a Christmas plan, and it involves a nap.
34. Santa gets all the credit. Parents do all the work. It’s basically my job.
35. Every year I say I’ll start shopping early. Every year I’m in a parking lot on December 23rd.
36. Ugly sweater party? I just wear what my mom gave me.
37. Christmas cards are just a yearly reminder of who still has your address.
38. Eggnog: the only drink that’s both a dessert and a mistake.

Christmas Jokes for Kids

39. What do you call an obnoxious reindeer? Rude-olph.
40. What falls but never gets hurt? Snow.
41. What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsel-itis.
42. What’s every parent’s favorite Christmas carol? Silent Night.
43. Why was the Christmas tree bad at knitting? It always dropped its needles.
44. What did the stamp say to the Christmas card? Stick with me and we’ll go places.
45. What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmas? Sandy Claws.
46. What did the gingerbread man put on his bed? A cookie sheet.
47. Why did the turkey join the band at Christmas? It had the drumsticks. It’s a holiday crossover.
48. What do you call a kid who’s scared of Santa? Claus-trophobic.

Christmas Tree and Present Jokes

49. How do Christmas trees get their hair done? They get it spruced up.
50. What did the Christmas tree say to the ornament? Quit hanging around.
51. Why are Christmas trees so bad at sewing? They always drop their needles.
52. What’s the best thing to give your parents for Christmas? A list of everything you want.
53. What do you call people who are afraid of Santa? Claus-trophobic. Yes, it’s worth repeating.
54. What did one ornament say to the other? Wanna hang out?
55. What kind of tree fits in your hand? A palm tree. Not very festive, but technically correct.

Christmas Cracker Groaners

56. What do monkeys sing at Christmas? Jungle bells.
57. Why don’t crabs give presents? They’re shellfish.
58. What does Tarzan sing at Christmas? Jungle bells, Tarzan smells.
59. What do you call a broke Santa? Saint Nickel-less.
60. Why did the Christmas cookie go to the doctor? It was feeling crummy.

Gift the Gift of a Groan

Know someone who tells these every year without fail? Lean into it. Give them a funny tee for the holidays from our holiday shirt collection, or shop all funny T-shirts. Free US shipping on every tee, and they’re printed to order, so order early for Christmas.

Want the dad-joke edition? Read our Christmas dad jokes.