50 Funny Thanksgiving Quotes and Sayings for Cards, Captions and Toasts
Thanksgiving quotes usually come in two flavors: deeply sincere or deeply sincere with a picture of a leaf. These are neither. Below are 50 funny Thanksgiving quotes and sayings you can use for cards, captions, place cards or a toast that doesn’t put everyone to sleep before the turkey does.
Funny Quotes About Food
- “Calories consumed on Thanksgiving are legally exempt from counting.”
- “I’m not overeating. I’m honoring tradition with enthusiasm.”
- “Pie is just a hug you can eat.”
- “The stuffing is the main character. The turkey is just the venue.”
- “Dear diet, see you in January.”
- “There’s always room for pie. It’s called the dessert stomach and it’s medically unexplained.”
- “Gravy isn’t a sauce. It’s a lifestyle.”
- “I came for the turkey. I’m staying for the leftovers.”
- “The real Thanksgiving miracle is fitting four dishes in one oven.”
- “Mashed potatoes: proof that even potatoes can be improved by butter.”
Funny Quotes About Family
- “Thanksgiving: when your whole family sits down together and remembers why they don’t do that more often.”
- “Family is like fudge. Mostly sweet, with a few nuts.”
- “I’m thankful for my family’s support. And their Wi-Fi password.”
- “Nothing brings a family together like silently judging someone’s casserole.”
- “Every family has one weird relative. If you can’t spot yours, it’s you.”
- “Home is where you go to be asked the same three questions for six hours.”
- “We put the fun in dysfunctional, and the gravy on everything.”
- “I love my family. I love them even more at a distance of 300 miles.”
- “My family tree is mostly squirrels and a few very loud acorns.”
- “The kids’ table is where the real conversations happen.”
Funny Quotes About the Food Coma
- “Turkey coma loading. Please do not disturb.”
- “I’ve eaten too much. Bring me more pie so I can think about it.”
- “Elastic waistbands are the unsung heroes of the holiday season.”
- “I’m not lazy. I’m in energy-saving mode after a 3,000-calorie meal.”
- “Thankful for naps, pie and the couch that catches me.”
- “Stuffed like a turkey, napping like a pro.”
- “If you need me, I’ll be horizontal.”
- “Football on, eyes closed. It still counts as watching.”
Short Funny Thanksgiving Sayings for Captions
- Gobble till you wobble.
- Grateful, stuffed and slightly judgmental.
- Here for the pie, not the politics.
- Leftovers are the real holiday.
- Talk turkey to me.
- Pie is a food group.
- Thankful for stretchy pants.
- Feast mode: on.
- Stuffing my face, then my pants.
- Will trade small talk for pie.
Funny Thanksgiving Toasts
- “Here’s to the cook, the turkey and the fire extinguisher we didn’t need this year.”
- “Raise your glass to family: the people who know all your secrets and still let you have seconds.”
- “May your plates be full, your glasses be fuller and your opinions stay in your head.”
- “Let’s give thanks for the food in front of us and the dishwasher behind us.”
- “To the turkey, who gave everything so we could have nothing left to say.”
- “Here’s to another year of eating like we’ve never seen food before.”
Funny Quotes for Thanksgiving Cards
- “Wishing you a feast so big you need a nap just thinking about it.”
- “May your turkey be juicy and your relatives be brief.”
- “Have a Thanksgiving that’s 90% pie and 10% gratitude for pie.”
- “Happy Thanksgiving from our dysfunctional family to yours.”
- “Eat like nobody’s watching. Because they’re all eating too.”
- “Thankful for friends like you, and for buttered rolls. In that order. Mostly.”
How to Use These Quotes
- Place cards: write one under each guest’s name. Instant conversation starter.
- Instagram: pick a short saying and pair it with your plate before you destroy it.
- Toasts: keep it under 30 seconds. People are hungry.
- Cards: add one personal line so it doesn’t feel copy-pasted. Even though it was.
Turn Your Favorite Quote Into an Outfit
Several of these sayings are already living their best life as funny Thanksgiving shirts. Grab Talk Turkey to Me, Pie Is a Food Group or Stretchy Pants Season. Free US shipping on every tee.
Want more? Try our funny happy Thanksgiving messages for texts and group chats.
