55 Halloween Jokes for Kids and Adults That Are Scary Bad (in a Good Way)

Halloween is the one night a year when it’s socially acceptable to dress like a sandwich and demand candy from strangers. It’s also prime time for terrible jokes. Here are 55 Halloween jokes for kids, adults and anyone who appreciates a pun that should have stayed buried.

Ghost Jokes

1. Why don’t ghosts like rain on Halloween? It dampens their spirits.
2. What do you call a ghost’s true love? Their ghoul-friend.
3. Where do ghosts buy their food? At the ghost-ery store.
4. Why did the ghost go to the party? For the boos.
5. What room does a ghost not need? A living room.
6. How do ghosts send letters? Through the ghost office.
7. What’s a ghost’s favorite dessert? I scream.
8. Why are ghosts bad liars? You can see right through them.
9. What do ghosts put on their bagels? Scream cheese.
10. Why did the ghost get a job as a cheerleader? It had a lot of spirit.

Skeleton Jokes

11. Why didn’t the skeleton go to the dance? He had no body to go with.
12. Why are skeletons so calm? Nothing gets under their skin.
13. What’s a skeleton’s favorite instrument? The trom-bone.
14. Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road? It didn’t have the guts.
15. What do skeletons say before eating? Bone appetit.
16. Why do skeletons hate winter? The cold goes right through them.
17. Who was the most famous skeleton detective? Sherlock Bones.
18. What’s a skeleton’s least favorite room? The living room. They share that with ghosts.

Vampire, Witch and Monster Jokes

19. Why do vampires seem sick? They’re always coffin.
20. What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit? A neck-tarine.
21. Why did the vampire read the newspaper? He heard it had great circulation.
22. What do you call a witch at the beach? A sand-witch.
23. Why don’t witches wear flat hats? There’s no point.
24. How do witches style their hair? With scare spray.
25. Why did Frankenstein’s monster never get lonely? He was good at making friends.
26. What did the zombie say at the restaurant? I’ll have the brain special. Hold the attitude.
27. What’s a mummy’s favorite type of music? Wrap.
28. Why don’t mummies take vacations? They’re afraid they’ll relax and unwind.

Halloween Jokes for Kids

29. What do you call a cleaning skeleton? The grim sweeper.
30. What do owls say on Halloween? Happy Owl-o-ween.
31. Why did the jack-o’-lantern get promoted? He was outstanding in his field.
32. What kind of pants do ghosts wear? Boo jeans.
33. What do you get when you drop a pumpkin? Squash.
34. What’s a monster’s favorite game? Swallow the leader.
35. Why did the black cat cross the road? To get to the other spook.
36. What do bats do for fun? Hang out.

Halloween Jokes for Adults

37. My Halloween costume this year is “adult with responsibilities.” Truly terrifying.
38. The scariest thing about Halloween is checking my bank account after buying the full-size candy bars.
39. I’m only here for the candy and the opportunity to leave early.
40. I’m dressing up as a cat this year. My personality is already there.
41. Halloween is the only time I hand out candy without being asked for my opinion on anything.
42. Nothing is scarier than turning on the front camera by accident.
43. Every year I tell myself I’ll make a costume. Every year I buy a shirt. That’s my tradition now.
44. My spirit animal is a skeleton because I’m dead inside but still showing up.

Halloween Dad Jokes

45. What’s a ghost’s favorite type of street? A dead end.
46. Why are graveyards so noisy? Because of all the coffin.
47. What did one pumpkin say to the other? Let’s get carved away.
48. How do you fix a broken jack-o’-lantern? With a pumpkin patch.
49. What do you call a witch who lives at the beach? Okay, we did that. A sand-witch. Dads repeat.
50. What do ghosts serve for dessert? Boo-berry pie.
51. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
52. What’s a vampire’s least favorite food? Steak.
53. Why do demons and ghouls hang out together? Because demons are a ghoul’s best friend.
54. What do you call a fat pumpkin? A plumpkin.
55. Why did the candy corn get kicked out of the party? It was too corny. Like this list.

How to Use These Jokes

• Trick-or-treaters: make the kids tell you a joke before they get candy. Then tell them one back.
• Lunch box notes: slip one kid-friendly joke into a lunch box every day of October.
• Party icebreakers: write jokes on slips of paper and hide punchlines under cups.
• Costume backup: forgot a costume? Wear a joke. Our Respect My Boo-ndaries and Zombies Eat Brains, You’re Safe tees are puns you can wear.

Wear the Punchline

Browse our full range of funny Halloween shirts, from Boo. Now Leave Me Alone to Candy Tax Collector for the parents. Free US shipping on every tee.

Still need a costume? See our last-minute Halloween costumes.