40 Christmas Dad Jokes Guaranteed to Earn an Eye Roll

A dad joke isn’t judged by laughter. It’s judged by the groan. The louder the groan, the better the joke. By that measure, these 40 Christmas dad jokes are elite. Whether you’re a dad, buying for a dad or just have the soul of a dad, here’s your material for the season.

Level 1: Mild Groan

1. What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman.
2. What did Adam say the day before Christmas? It’s Christmas, Eve.
3. Why did the man get fired from the calendar factory? He took a day off. On Christmas.
4. What do sheep say at Christmas? Fleece Navidad.
5. Why is it getting harder to buy Advent calendars? Their days are numbered.
6. What do you call a Christmas tree that knows karate? Spruce Lee.
7. What’s a parent’s favorite Christmas carol? Silent Night. Every single year.
8. Why don’t you ever see Santa in the hospital? He has private elf care.
9. What did the wrapping paper say to the gift? I’ve got you covered.
10. What do you call an elf wearing earmuffs? Anything you want. He can’t hear you.

Level 2: Audible Sigh

11. How much did Santa pay for his sleigh? Nothing. It was on the house.
12. What did the Christmas tree say to the light? You light up my life. And my electric bill.
13. I asked my wife what she wanted for Christmas. She said nothing would make her happier than a diamond necklace. So I got her nothing.
14. What’s Santa’s favorite type of pizza? One that’s deep pan, crisp and even.
15. Why did the gingerbread man go to the doctor? He was feeling crumby.
16. What do you call a frozen dad? A pop-sicle.
17. What’s the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the regular alphabet? The Christmas alphabet has no L. Noel.
18. What do you call a bunch of chess players bragging about their games in a hotel lobby? Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.
19. What does Santa use to clean his sleigh? Comet.
20. Why are Christmas trees bad at sewing? They always drop their needles.

Level 3: Full Eye Roll

21. How does a sheep say Merry Christmas? Merry Christmas to ewe.
22. What did one snowman say to the other? Do you smell carrots?
23. Why did Frosty ask for a divorce? His wife was a total flake.
24. Where does a snowman keep his money? In a snow bank.
25. What do you call a dog that works for Santa? Santa Paws.
26. What did the beaver say to the Christmas tree? Nice gnawing you.
27. What do you call a scary reindeer? A cari-boo. It’s a Halloween crossover. Dads don’t follow seasons.
28. What happens if you eat the Christmas decorations? You get tinsel-itis.
29. What’s green, covered in tinsel and goes ribbit? Mistle-toad.
30. What do you get when you combine a Christmas tree with an iPad? A pine-apple.

Level 4: Leave the Room

31. I bought my kids a fridge for Christmas. I can’t wait to see their faces light up when they open it.
32. My son asked for a puppy for Christmas. I said no, he’s getting a turkey like everyone else.
33. I’m only going to tell this joke once more this Christmas. Then I’ll be done. Wait, I’ll tell it again on New Year’s. Just in case.
34. What do you call Santa when he’s broke? Saint Nickel-less.
35. Why was the snowman looking through the carrots? He was picking his nose.
36. Why couldn’t the skeleton go to the Christmas party? He had no body to go with.
37. What does an ornament wear to a party? A hang-over.
38. How do you make a slow reindeer fast? Don’t feed it.
39. What do you call a reindeer that tells jokes? A pun-deer.
40. Want to hear a joke about wrapping paper? Never mind. It’s tearable.

How to Deliver a Dad Joke Like a Professional

• Total confidence. Never apologize. Never explain. Wait for the groan.
• The pause. Leave one beat of silence before the punchline. It builds dread.
• Repeat offenders win. The best dad jokes get told every year. That’s not lazy. That’s tradition.
• Laugh at your own joke. Somebody has to.

Gifts for the Dad Who Thinks He’s Hilarious

If your dad tells jokes like these, he needs a shirt that matches his personality. Browse our funny T-shirts or read our guide to funny gift ideas for dad. Free US shipping on every tee.

Need jokes for the whole family? Here are 60 more Christmas jokes.